Cycling Proverbs

Born out of musings on avoiding slippy crisp packets, oddly enough, on this morning's ride, and mostly posted to Twitter.

Any person posting to a cycling message board asking for "which bike" advice as a new commuting cyclist MUST be recommended a hybrid costing not less than £700, and a further £200 worth of accessories by at least one respondent. The fact that the person asking is only commuting a 6 mile round trip shall not be taken into account.

The best time to realise that the rain *is* hard enough for you to need overtrousers is BEFORE you leave your house.

No matter what bike you have, or what kind of riding you do, someone, somewhere is waiting to tell you that it's the wrong bike.

No motorist's car is so old and rubbish that they won't say you'd be better off with one of those rather than your bike.

Most cyclists agree that taking up cycling to save money would probably be a good idea, in theory.

Surveys including the question "Why don't you cycle?" will never offer the answer "Because I'm too bloody lazy" as a possibility.

People who don't ride wonder why you'd want to on rainy days. People who do ride wonder why you wouldn't want to.

Junk food that you "earned" by riding all week tastes far better than junk food normally does. (Also applicable to beer, chocolates, takeaway curry, chinese food &c).

People will assume you're saving the planet and/or ridding the roads of Britain of cars even if all you want to do is enjoy riding in the sunshine.

No bike lane is so crap that motorists won't demand that you use it so that they don't have to reduce speed for half a second.

Riding your bicycle in ice is the best way of breaking your elbow and/or wrist (that doesn't involve interaction with other road users) yet discovered.

Whenever you decide to drive or take public transport, you will feel a deep sense of regret at the first cyclist you see enjoying their ride.

Anything shouted from a passing car will sound like "Blargh blah blaaaaargh" and is best not given too much thought.

Wearing any lycra at all allows people to jokingly call you "Lance Armstrong" and ask if you're off to the Tour De France.

Red light jumping, pavement riding cyclists allow any motorist to put your life at risk even if they've just watched you scrupulously obeying traffic law throughout your ride.

Injure any part of your body whilst cycling, and people will say that you should have been wearing a helmet.

Injure any part of your body whilst cycling, and people will say that it was good you were wearing a helmet.

The best day for a long ride will always be the day where you can't be out of the house for more than a couple of hours.

The further you are from your bicycle, the more ridiculous you look in lycra (unless you are a member of a glam rock band).

If you don't want to get wet, pack your waterproofs. Because then it won't rain.

No queue of stationary traffic is so close that a motorist won't overtake you to reach it.

The wet crisp packet is summer's equivalent of damp autumn leaves.

In Which Rousing Tunes are Sung, for the Benefit of Mr. Gordon

A tweet from Evilgordon last night;

"Listening to the Lemonheads 'Shame about Ray'... This is not going to cheer me up! Suggestions please??"

alerted me to a freind in need, so I leapt into action, and tweeted some suggestions - as ever with twitter, there sometimes isn't enough room to post everything you're thinking of, so a blog post seemed in order.

This post was originally titled "Happy Songs", but on reflection I think "rousing" is a better description. Especially given the inclusion of the blood curdling "Mars Forevermore", which describes just what the crew of the "HMS Agamemnon", under the command of Nelson at the time, hoped to do to the Spanish.

Happy Days are Here Again - The Harry Reisman Orchestra (hosted at archive.org)
Donkey Rhubarb - The Aphex Twin (youtube.com)
The Boy With the Arab Strap - Belle and Sebastian (last.fm)
Enjoy Yourself (It's later than you think) - Todd Snider (youtube.com)
Robots Need Love Too - Superpowerless (superpowerless.co.uk)
Let's Play Video Games - Derek Williams (Amazon.co.uk - no preview)
Mars Forevermore - Holdstock and Macleod (Stumbleaudio)
Eyen - Plaid (youtube.com)
De Fiets Van Piet Van Pa - Henkie (youtube.com)

The selection is a quick, and very much off the top of my head set of choices, but on the day I chose them, these are what I'd listen to if I'd had a bad day. Incidentally, "Robots Need Love Too" now has a pleasingly bonkers video, a development I thoroughly approve of.

Note that the Aphex Twin and Plaid tunes can be bought from Warp Records' "Bleep" site (drm free too). "Happy Days are Here Again" is available as a no cost download from archive.org . "The Boy with the Arab Strap" is available on the album of the same name, and should be avilable on iTunes et al. Todd Snider's "Enjoy Yourself" is on eMusic, Derek Williams' "Let's Play Video Games" is on the "Music to Play Games By" cd available through Amazon, and Superpowerless' "Robots Need Love Too" is on his website. My favoured version of "Mars Forevermore" is by Johnny Collins, on his cd "Best of the Early Years" available from Amazon, although the version posted here is on iTunes. I can't find anywhere to buy Henkie's song, I'm afraid, although I first heard it on the Ruby's Chicky Boilups Tour De France special, which is available here.

Things Are Different in Holland, A Tyre Epiphany

It will come as no surprise to people who have visited the Netherlands, or the Amsterdamize site that things are different in Holland for cyclists. (They're different in France, and lots of other continental countries too, but that's a story for another time).

In any case, I was somewhat surprised on my commute homeward yesterday, by a car with right of way giving way to me. (Cars doing this when I have right of way is rare enough, some days). I'd stopped at a junction to give way to traffic on the road (as I needed to according to the road markings) when the driver of a small hatchback slowed to allow me out. Whilst I appreciated the gesture, I waved the driver past, as I didn't want to slow traffic, or jump in front when I was making a left turn fairly shortly after negotiating the junction.

I was thinking that this was most unusual, and then noticed the country code on the back of the vehicle - "NL". Which explains it, I think. I'm not sure whether this consideration is due to an instinctive bike friendliness, or the feeling that cyclists are in some way unpredictable, but it did make for an odd enocunter, in a nice way.


Pro Race 2 Tyres, Or I'm a Believer.
At the weekend, I finally got around to fitting a pair of 25C Pro Race 2 tyres to my wet weather/commuting wheels. Ever since I began cycling, I've heard paeans of praise to Michelin's Pro Race series of tyres - "The Pro Race is proof that God is a roadie, and wants you to be happy", for example. Although I've never ridden really top flight tyres, I have Continental's GP4000 on my "good" wheels (not a cheap tyre) and should say that I like them a lot.

The Pro Race 2, however, is a different animal entirely. From the first pedal stroke the road feel is superb, and the tyres roll incredibly well. The profile of the 25C is rounder and fatter than the Continental Ultragatorskins that these tyres replaced, and they do feel somewhat less harsh at 95psi than the 'gators did. I guess I should be expecting "better" from a tyre that cost nearly £10 more than the set of 'gators (the latter including tubes) I used to run, but the improvement is akin to fitting new, better wheels to the bike - the Pro Race really is THAT good.

The durability and longevity of the tyres will be interesting to see - they are on my commuting/wet weather wheels after all, and so will be getting the worst of Manchester and Cheshire's roads.

The only problem I can foresee now is that I won't be going back to any other tyre - who said taking up cycling saves you money?

In Which I Inadvertently Frighten a Pedestrian

I frightened a pedestrian today.

This is the sort of thing I normally frown upon, believing that bikes and riders should not behave towards pedestrians in the way that some motor vehicles and drivers behave towards us.

I hope that you might allow me a certain dispensation in this case, because unfortunately, the young gentleman in question was too busy shouting "Faggot" and similar at an oncoming cyclist on the Crewe Road shared path to notice me approaching from the other direction.

My friendly shout of "Watch out behind you mate" may have been a little loud and sudden, and it is my sincere hope that the shouty pedestrian in question didn't poo his pants, as he appeared to jump considerably with surprise upon hearing me.

As I say, I'm really very sorry. Really.

In Which I Sing the Praises of Cloth Bags

Well, musettes really. I posted this on Cyclechat.co.uk a while back, and having done another post run using my musette at the start of the year, thought it might bear repeating here.

Musette:

Small lightweight cotton shoulder bag, used for containing food and drink given to riders in a feed zone during a cycle race. The bag is designed so that it can be easily grabbed by a moving rider. The shoulder strap is placed over the head and one shoulder, the contents are then removed and placed into jersey pockets or bottles (bidons) are placed into bottle cages. The bag is then discarded.

I'm quite sure this is old news to those of you who've been riding for a while, but the musette (bonk bag, feed bag) is a great piece of kit for when you have things to carry that amount to too much to stuff in jersey pockets, yet not quite enough to warrant grabbing a messenger bag/backpack or panniers.

One of the things I quite often do on my Sunday ride is taking the post for the people who used to live in our house up to their new place. I can stuff the envelopes, catalogues etc into the musette, drop it all off, then the musette rolls up small for the onward journey - as any cyclist knows, half the fun of a "little errand" is figuring out what mileage you can add on after the fact. The musette is also small enough and light enough to take along on a ride where you might decide to stop off at the bakery on the way home, or similar, very handy for someone whose saddle bag and top tube bag are full of tools &c. (And I'd never get a loaf in either of those anyway...)

The musette itself can be the simple cotton bag described above, and there is, somewhere on the web, a guide to making them from old sheets - I couldn't find that for the purposes of this post, but did turn up this rather lovely page in which a lady had made one for her husband. If you're not up to making one yourself, the excellent Prendas Ciclismo sell a couple of styles of traditional cotton musettes for £6, whilst for slightly more, Urban Hunter offer a modern styled nylon musette, made by Banjo Bros for £6.95, and also sell traditionally styled cotton musettes emblazoned with manufacturer logos for £12.95.

The ne plus ultra of musettes is probably the Rapha Ultimate musette, which retails for a heady £60, and is as far from the simple cotton musette as today's carbon superbikes are from the bikes of cycling's early years. If you can afford to discard this one after emptying it, you probably have a team car to carry your stuff for you anyway.

I'm currently using LPR Brakes and Team High Road musettes, as these were what was available on eBay at the time I bought mine. Look to pay from around £3, depending on the team featured on the bag.

Ban this Sick Filth.

There is nowtrage surrounding singer Duffy's appearance on a bicycle without lights or helmet (and not paying road tax neither, damn her eyes).



Of course, it's not just Coca-Cola corrupting the young of the country by showing inappropriate road behaviour that will be instantly copied by the impressionable. Look at this ad for the Nissan Qashqai;



In this piece, the owners of buildings are encouraged to turn them into giant marionettes to menace innocent car drivers. It evidently takes so many people to operate these that the streets are devoid of anything other than cars - imagine the effect on productivity when everyone stays in to operate their giant building robots instead of going to work.

And just look at the irresponsibility on display in this ad - despite clear lines of sight, these drivers recklessly drive into each other;



And not a single one stops to exchange insurance details.

Disgusting.

Assuming you're not already slavishly imitating Duffy (because that's what people do when they see something on TV, right?) please do use lights when you ride at night - you're nigh on invisible without them, and in the UK it's against the law not to. As for wearing a helmet, look at the facts and make your own mind up.

In Which Buying Another Bicycle is More Difficult than Expected

I've been taking the train all the way to work a lot more than I do normally, and this results in a walk of around 3 miles each way, in total. (Two miles to the station, a mile from the station at the other end to work, and the same journey in reverse in the evening).

As any fule kno, 3 miles is a distance that any bicycle laughs at, so I've been seriously considering a folding bike for those days when 28 miles a day of riding seems a bit much.

Why a folding bike? In their wisdom, Britain's railway companies offer little in the way of carriage for full sized bicycles, and will occasionally make you reserve in advance, pay a supplemental charge, &c &c. (A to B magazine provide an excellent summary of train operators' cycle policies here). The rail part of my usual commute is handled by the excellent and pragmatic Northern Rail, who will carry bicycles on a first come, first served basis, so long as they do not block exits &c.

However, because my "long train" commute is at a later time, I can end up travelling with different train operators, and at busier times, so my chance of being "bumped" from the service increases. Here's where the folding bike comes in - almost all operators will carry folding bikes without restriction. Plus, of course, on my later commute, I can unfold the bike at the other end, and cycle to work, an advantage over using a full size bike to get to the start of my train journey only.

Having read around a little, I'd pretty much decided upon the British designed "Mezzo D9" which looks to be a nice bike with compact fold and what's claimed to be "a big bike ride". (I think this is at least partly to do with it having a steering offset (it has a conventional stem on the fork, as opposed to a steering column directly above the forks).


(Mezzo bike Video)

Of course, no plan survives contact with a bike shop, so I've now convinced myself that the battle to be my folding bike has been joined, between the Mezzo, and the Brompton. Your take on either bike would be welcomed, but I suspect the final decision will hinge (no pun intended) upon a test ride, to be undertaken some time in the next couple of weeks.


(Brompton Folding Demonstration)

Useful Links;
The Folding Society
A to B Magazine
Mezzo Bikes
Brompton